FB A Rich Vein of Human Prototypes, Here Goeth:
by Zaharan Razak on Wednesday, March 2, 2011 at 2:20pm
1. Cyndi Lauper Type: Daddy, you're still my number one, but we girls just wanna, just wanna, have fun, fun, fun, That's all we really waant, just to have fun ... yeah, yeah, yeah ... fun, fun, fun ...
2. Eeerrmm Type: This one only knows how to growl using punctuation marks and perversely misspelled words!
3. Straight and narrow: This is the cyber Taliban who is dogmatic and believes only he and his beliefs are right, others are wrong! His mission in life, at least on FB, is to copy and paste ready-made sacred cows so as to look straight and narrow himself. Challenge him and he quickly feels annoyed and say, You're insulting my ancestors! Or his straw beliefs.
4. Shallow and narrow. Hey, mister! Why so serious! (There's even a contemporary pop song for them to hang by the coat-tail to) FB is only for chilling out, don't you ever forget that!
5. The Croakers: Like frogs in a pond after a sudden shower they croak alike producing an orchestra of sounds like ,,,///!!1???huhu, je, ak, :)),,,,-**-??hehe,,,hhaha//,,kokkikokkik ... aka Calibans. They also spell oops as oppss ...
6. The Too Smart For My Own Good Self-Confessed Kiasu Smarty Two Shoes. These will never let a comment pass sitting down without responding with an even smarter comment.They are wired up to be fired up. No second best or second guessing for them. They prefer to die standing up guns blazing than kneel down and beg for mercy. I bet when all the chips are down they will commit suicide. No surrender. Banzai!
7. The Vulgar from the Volga: They cannot resist their favorite battle cry, A Fart By Any Other Name Smells Just As Sweet. Oops, did I misquote a word? Aka FB maggots.
8. One wrong wong makes all wongs wrong: This is the type whose brains still operate on stereotype and sectarian rails. Their views are not based on objective facts and relevant fields of knowledge but based on what belief/cultural/class/racial group they belong. Ditto their opinions of others, not based on the individual person but on his ethnic group. Aka Wong from Huang Ho. Aka FB bigots.
9. The True Misanthrope. I only know two of these species, AJY and ZR. They are listed in the IUCN extinction list as vulnerable/endangered.
10. The Ants. These work hard to copy and past one-liners - jokes, trite, corny sayings which sound very deep to them - etc - taken from another site, often not bothering to give the name of the original writer or source. Also known as Mr Postman or Pizza Hut Delivery boy. Asked why, they'd say to serve as reminders ... yeah, like thousands of leaflets being airdropped during the Malayan emergency.
11. The chillers. These are people who seem to be quite successful people offline, running their own businesses, holding down good positions, having good family ties, or swinging their legs in retirement, but here on FB, they strip down and jump into the communal pool splashing in the water without any semblance of swimming like children in a wading pool. The serious swimmers training for the Olympics in another pool shake their heads in disbelief. Aka going gaga.
12. The blood, sweat and tears. This type will look high and low on the Net for sensational video - anything with blood, a mishap, freakish, grotesque, ghosts, or against the order of nature - and upload them here. They do it with regularity too, as though a habit, and invites you with a straight face, to say something about the video.
13. "And what type do you belong?" shoot back type.
14. The Anonymous. This type may hide only their real names but reveal their photos or hide both. If you are a fan of them you'd call them The Scarlet Pimpernel. If you don't like them you'd call them the boy or girl next door with a pimple to hide.
15. The humble. Has the habit of popping up with their tails between their legs or both palms covering their shame so as not to cause offense. If you tell them something which makes them feel inadequate, they will call you a show off and invite you to meet his big brother ... this type will never fight their own battle simply because they don't have enough ammo, or armor. He is often a product and a victim of hidden feudalism. Humility is either a mask for an inferiority complex or reverse psychology to tamp down a rising sense of self-importance.
16. The CT. No, CT does not stand for communist terrorist! This type likes to give out incomplete status updates, often without context, teasing your curiosity or showing a bit of leg and then failing to deliver or falling flat on the promise. It lies in common with the proverbial snake oil seller or pasar malam vendoring of the generator-powered loudspeaker kind. Often, the info is plagiarized. They will bend all rules and will never be on the mend. It is built into human nature and any suggestion of rules, principles and values will be instantly interpreted as totalitarian imposition.
17. The simple-minded. As much as Simple Simon wants/wishes the world to be simple, the world is a complex thing with many twists, turns, levels, highways, byways, corridors, nooks and crannies. It is a mark of genius to be able to see the simple in the complex and the complex in the simple but for the simple-minded he wishes or think the world is simple dismissing or ignoring the ramifications of an issue rather like an ostrich burying its head in the sand at the first sign of a challenge to its pea-sized brain. E=MC2 looks simple as a mathematical symbol but invite Einstein or AJY to spell it out on the blackboard and you will scream for mercy or loll your tongue in a stupor ending up looking like a stupa. The symbol sums up the universe. The universe and all that is in it is simple? "C'mon!", to quote Siriwan Mena.
18. The constipated. This type hasn't chipped in a word for days on end. His favorite response is "No comment," "Huh" or "Duh." Nothing comes out because there's nothing inside. Trust me, I meet them everyday. They lurk around every corner watching the world passes by, ready to pull back into the shadows or bushes at the slightest threat to his "battery low" intelligence. Pressed hard, they spout banalities of the kind you were told in primary year six.
19. The diarrhea. This one is the opposite. This one talks too much saying nothing. Lost in trivia and minutiae and long in the telling, it keeps you waiting for the point or punch line like a reporter waiting outside an important meeting only to be told there's no story.
20. The Gunslinger. This type shoots back the moment he sees the iris of his adversary's eyes widens or, getting hit, before his falling body hits the ground. He is the opposite of the poet, next.
21. The poet. This type does not shoot back immediately. He retires into his fox-hole, nurses his wound, recollects in tranquility and composes a reply days, weeks later, and may not even address or target the person who presents him with the challenge in the first place. The result? Literature. The poet liberates himself from being sucked into the need to retaliate but sees the challenge as an impetus, occasion or opportunity to try to carve out a work of art. He might even secretly thank his 'adversary.' First and foremost he answers to the Muse and not to the knee-jerk need to retaliate.
22. The obscurantist. This type likes to issue puzzle- or word-cross like status updates using obscure terms and references or his own 'Alice in the Wonderland' meaning which only he is privy to and expect you to know or tease your curiosity - 'You really want to know?' Some raise a question and before you could answer, answer it himself! Duh. An overgrown schoolboy masquerading as an adult. The more obscure the smarter he feels. To me he is swimming in his own excrement (there goes the Vulgar Volga in me!)! Cheapskate.
23. Lurker. This type sees no evil, hears no evil, says no evil. He just skips and skims quickly, maybe hit a "I Like" here and there and smiles benign smiles or maybe pulls a long face occasionally.
24. Stalker. Cousin to lurker.
25. Proxy War. Like America who cannot send marines to all war fronts but choose to arm locals to fight a common enemy, proxers are 'Istimewa' types in wheelchairs who upload dogmatic stands or ride piggyback on another commentator's comment by clicking on "I like" or adding a 'Hahaha" to prop up their emotional decrepitude and mental stagnation.
2. Eeerrmm Type: This one only knows how to growl using punctuation marks and perversely misspelled words!
3. Straight and narrow: This is the cyber Taliban who is dogmatic and believes only he and his beliefs are right, others are wrong! His mission in life, at least on FB, is to copy and paste ready-made sacred cows so as to look straight and narrow himself. Challenge him and he quickly feels annoyed and say, You're insulting my ancestors! Or his straw beliefs.
4. Shallow and narrow. Hey, mister! Why so serious! (There's even a contemporary pop song for them to hang by the coat-tail to) FB is only for chilling out, don't you ever forget that!
5. The Croakers: Like frogs in a pond after a sudden shower they croak alike producing an orchestra of sounds like ,,,///!!1???huhu, je, ak, :)),,,,-**-??hehe,,,hhaha//,,kokkikokkik ... aka Calibans. They also spell oops as oppss ...
6. The Too Smart For My Own Good Self-Confessed Kiasu Smarty Two Shoes. These will never let a comment pass sitting down without responding with an even smarter comment.They are wired up to be fired up. No second best or second guessing for them. They prefer to die standing up guns blazing than kneel down and beg for mercy. I bet when all the chips are down they will commit suicide. No surrender. Banzai!
7. The Vulgar from the Volga: They cannot resist their favorite battle cry, A Fart By Any Other Name Smells Just As Sweet. Oops, did I misquote a word? Aka FB maggots.
8. One wrong wong makes all wongs wrong: This is the type whose brains still operate on stereotype and sectarian rails. Their views are not based on objective facts and relevant fields of knowledge but based on what belief/cultural/class/racial group they belong. Ditto their opinions of others, not based on the individual person but on his ethnic group. Aka Wong from Huang Ho. Aka FB bigots.
9. The True Misanthrope. I only know two of these species, AJY and ZR. They are listed in the IUCN extinction list as vulnerable/endangered.
10. The Ants. These work hard to copy and past one-liners - jokes, trite, corny sayings which sound very deep to them - etc - taken from another site, often not bothering to give the name of the original writer or source. Also known as Mr Postman or Pizza Hut Delivery boy. Asked why, they'd say to serve as reminders ... yeah, like thousands of leaflets being airdropped during the Malayan emergency.
11. The chillers. These are people who seem to be quite successful people offline, running their own businesses, holding down good positions, having good family ties, or swinging their legs in retirement, but here on FB, they strip down and jump into the communal pool splashing in the water without any semblance of swimming like children in a wading pool. The serious swimmers training for the Olympics in another pool shake their heads in disbelief. Aka going gaga.
12. The blood, sweat and tears. This type will look high and low on the Net for sensational video - anything with blood, a mishap, freakish, grotesque, ghosts, or against the order of nature - and upload them here. They do it with regularity too, as though a habit, and invites you with a straight face, to say something about the video.
13. "And what type do you belong?" shoot back type.
14. The Anonymous. This type may hide only their real names but reveal their photos or hide both. If you are a fan of them you'd call them The Scarlet Pimpernel. If you don't like them you'd call them the boy or girl next door with a pimple to hide.
15. The humble. Has the habit of popping up with their tails between their legs or both palms covering their shame so as not to cause offense. If you tell them something which makes them feel inadequate, they will call you a show off and invite you to meet his big brother ... this type will never fight their own battle simply because they don't have enough ammo, or armor. He is often a product and a victim of hidden feudalism. Humility is either a mask for an inferiority complex or reverse psychology to tamp down a rising sense of self-importance.
16. The CT. No, CT does not stand for communist terrorist! This type likes to give out incomplete status updates, often without context, teasing your curiosity or showing a bit of leg and then failing to deliver or falling flat on the promise. It lies in common with the proverbial snake oil seller or pasar malam vendoring of the generator-powered loudspeaker kind. Often, the info is plagiarized. They will bend all rules and will never be on the mend. It is built into human nature and any suggestion of rules, principles and values will be instantly interpreted as totalitarian imposition.
17. The simple-minded. As much as Simple Simon wants/wishes the world to be simple, the world is a complex thing with many twists, turns, levels, highways, byways, corridors, nooks and crannies. It is a mark of genius to be able to see the simple in the complex and the complex in the simple but for the simple-minded he wishes or think the world is simple dismissing or ignoring the ramifications of an issue rather like an ostrich burying its head in the sand at the first sign of a challenge to its pea-sized brain. E=MC2 looks simple as a mathematical symbol but invite Einstein or AJY to spell it out on the blackboard and you will scream for mercy or loll your tongue in a stupor ending up looking like a stupa. The symbol sums up the universe. The universe and all that is in it is simple? "C'mon!", to quote Siriwan Mena.
18. The constipated. This type hasn't chipped in a word for days on end. His favorite response is "No comment," "Huh" or "Duh." Nothing comes out because there's nothing inside. Trust me, I meet them everyday. They lurk around every corner watching the world passes by, ready to pull back into the shadows or bushes at the slightest threat to his "battery low" intelligence. Pressed hard, they spout banalities of the kind you were told in primary year six.
19. The diarrhea. This one is the opposite. This one talks too much saying nothing. Lost in trivia and minutiae and long in the telling, it keeps you waiting for the point or punch line like a reporter waiting outside an important meeting only to be told there's no story.
20. The Gunslinger. This type shoots back the moment he sees the iris of his adversary's eyes widens or, getting hit, before his falling body hits the ground. He is the opposite of the poet, next.
21. The poet. This type does not shoot back immediately. He retires into his fox-hole, nurses his wound, recollects in tranquility and composes a reply days, weeks later, and may not even address or target the person who presents him with the challenge in the first place. The result? Literature. The poet liberates himself from being sucked into the need to retaliate but sees the challenge as an impetus, occasion or opportunity to try to carve out a work of art. He might even secretly thank his 'adversary.' First and foremost he answers to the Muse and not to the knee-jerk need to retaliate.
22. The obscurantist. This type likes to issue puzzle- or word-cross like status updates using obscure terms and references or his own 'Alice in the Wonderland' meaning which only he is privy to and expect you to know or tease your curiosity - 'You really want to know?' Some raise a question and before you could answer, answer it himself! Duh. An overgrown schoolboy masquerading as an adult. The more obscure the smarter he feels. To me he is swimming in his own excrement (there goes the Vulgar Volga in me!)! Cheapskate.
23. Lurker. This type sees no evil, hears no evil, says no evil. He just skips and skims quickly, maybe hit a "I Like" here and there and smiles benign smiles or maybe pulls a long face occasionally.
24. Stalker. Cousin to lurker.
25. Proxy War. Like America who cannot send marines to all war fronts but choose to arm locals to fight a common enemy, proxers are 'Istimewa' types in wheelchairs who upload dogmatic stands or ride piggyback on another commentator's comment by clicking on "I like" or adding a 'Hahaha" to prop up their emotional decrepitude and mental stagnation.
5 comments:
No 1
No 3
No 4
No 10
No 13
No 21
I can relate to these! LOL
Yes, Lita! We can use it as a checklist and most of us are composites of any combination. No pure types! Thanks for posting your response.
Number 22 has just been added.
ESG emailed this response: Brilliant! I loved the others too. I read them out to my colleague this morning and we were laughing our guts out. They were so good. All of them.
Lita
ZR: Thanks Lita.
FB is also another option for emotional diarrhea...Hehe..
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